Old Fashioned Lifestyle

 In the post about Socialization, I mentioned an article I had read in the Scientific American Mind magazine about teen brains.  Here is another quote from that article.

“… a series of long-term studies set in motion in the 1980’s by anthropologiest Beatrice Whiting and John Whiting of Harvard University suggest that teen trouble begins to appear in other cultures soon after the introduction of certain Western influences, especially Western-style schooling, television programs and movies.  Delinquency was not an issue among the Inuit people of Victoria Island, Canada, for example, until TV arrived in 1980.  By 1988 the Inuit had created their first permanent police station to try to cope with the new problem.”  (bold mine)

 When the kids were very little (ages 2,4,5) we allowed PBS childrens shows…. one or two a day.  They were pretty benign, we thought, perhaps even helpful to the kids.  After all, they are “educational” shows.  But then we noticed the behavior in our kids deteriorating.  We were seeing very intense tantrums and an increase in the number of fights they were having with eachother.  We decided to cut out the TV and within 48 hours, we saw an obvious difference in the behavior of the kids.  The intensity – and later frequency – of the tantrums went way down – and so did the frequency of the fights. 

We traded our TV in for board games, good read aloud books, and knitting needles.    We still occasionally watch a TV show – when we go to a motel or a relatives house.  Wouldn’t you know it . . . we notices a change in behavior . . . and are always relieved to get back to the No TV lifestyle. 

(Though, I confess…… I do miss it sometimes!)

Technorati Tags: Family Life, Homeschool

One of my new favorite blogs in “The New Unschooler.”  Here we can follow along with Colleen as she is so marvelously open about the up’s and down’s of making the decision and proceeding with a life of unschooling. 

A discussion over there on “Why Must He Torture Me” prompted this:

“You’ve gotta give this some time, but you’ve got to start putting more energy toward living and creating joy…”

Yes.  This is the key.

My conversion to unschooling has been a long and emotional process.  Stepping SO far out of the cultural norm without many like minded people around me has been difficult at times – so difficult in fact – that I know it has slowed my progress toward what I know to be “true” in my heart and soul – Unschooling.

My journey toward unschooling began with an afternoon talk.  But by the time I actually had school aged kids – I waivered in my actions and opted for “school at home.”  Then – a less structured “school time.”  Then – a “learning time.”  Finally – for the last 6 months or so I have gotten back to my own true north and turned again to unschooling. 

But I am a slow learner.  I know all the things I reject.  I can list those easily. 

• Bells signaling when learning must begin and end

• Someone other than my children dictating what must be learned and when

• Grades

• Tests

• Grade levels

• And so on and so forth

But, what is unschooling FOR?  Well, that too, is easy enough to answer….

• Learning by living life

• The chance to develop a “love of learning”

• Freedom of the canned environment and the opportunity to live in the “real world”

• Freedom to pursue one’s own interests

• And so on and so forth

But….  I was still missing somthing.  I finally came to realize that what I was missing was – - – what does that look like in everyday life?  How do you convert these “unschooling is for” values into living your life that way?  How do you actually deal with the child that says “I’m bored” and the nagging feeling that nothing has filled the void that used to be filled by school?  WHEN do the kids develop this thing called “an interest in” or “a love of”?

I finally came to understand that the answer is create a stimulating, creative and interesting family environment.

Unschooling is not just a “no” to school.  It is a “yes” to filling the void with intereting and fun things.

Technorati Tags: Homeschool

What about socialization?

As a homeschooling family, this is the question we most commonly hear.  My answer to this question is so lengthy that I rarely launch into the “full” answer when I am asked - but I thought that I would give a more detailed answer here.

 From the American Heritage Dictionary “socialization” is:

1. To place under government or group ownership or control.
2. To make fit for companionship with others; make sociable.
3. To convert or adapt to the needs of society.

#1 – I’ll leave that one alone.  I’m going to assume here that all those well meaning folk out there asking homeschool families are not suggesting we teach our kids to fall under government or group ownership or control….  but then again…. isn’t that just what the western school system does?  Another topic for another day!  I digress.

When most people ask the socialization question – it is probably in reference to #2 – “How does your child learn to be a companion to others?”

A World View – The Continuum

I  was reading an article in Scientific American Mind magazine recently – and I came across an article about the teen brain.

This paragraph caught my attention:

“In 1991 anthropologist Alice Schlegel of the University of Arizona and psychologist Herbert Barry III of the University of Pittsburgh reviewed research on teens in 186 preindustrial societies.  Among the important conclusions they drew about these societies:  about 60% had no word for “adolescence,” teens spent almost all their time with adults, teens showed almost no signs of psychopathology, and antisocial behavior in young males was completely absent in more than half of these cultures and extremely mild in cultures in which it did occur.”

This is not the first time that someone has looked at this information.  Margaret Mead has written about this extensively – as have other anthropologists.   One of my favorite books, The Concept Concept talks about life in the Yequana tribe in Venezuela.  Yequana babies are virtually always happy.  They never cry, kick angrily, or flail about.   Teens integrate seamlessly into adulthood – void of all the “adolescent” trouble western teens struggle through.  Why is this?  According to the author, it is because the life experience in this culture is ONE continuum.  There is no separation and segregation of the population according to age.  Babies are strapped onto the backs of mom and aunts and passively observe adult life.  Toddlers “play” is to mimic adult behavior.  As the child grows, he or she learns to perform that behavior more efficiently…. until the slide smoothly into adulthood.

Do we want our children to grow to be happy adults?  Then, why are separating them from adult society?  What can they learn by being stuffed into an artificial environment with several other people of the same age?  Which leads me to…..  what about socialization?

What does socialization mean for an adult in the real world?  Once one reaches the age of 18 to 24 and proceeds through “adult life” who are the people we need to “socialize” with?  Is a 32 year old only allowed to socialize with other 32 year old’s?  No way!  Let’s imagine for a moment that our little darlings grow up to own a business.  They will have to interact with:  customers, vendors, bankers, the general public, other business owners and employees to name a few.   They will need to be able to interact with people of all different ages and socio-economic levels.  Why then, I ask, are we teaching our kids – through the western educational system – that their socialization must be only with others of the same age?

If we stop forcing kids into these artificial environmental boxes (the classroom) and let them out into the real world with real world people, kids will be able to (and do) interact with people of all different ages and socio-economic levels.    When you get a child out of the classroom and into the real world – the child can not only relate to kids of the same age – but also to those younger, older, and much older then they are. 

Yes….  I agree….  the question needs to be asked…  “What about Socialization?  Socialization for all those kids stuck in the classroom!”

Technorati Tags: Family Life, Homeschool

Yesterday, as a part of Creating a Haven In Your Home over at Biblical Womanhood, I set out to do the following today (plan is in red.  Result is in Black) 

1. Refresh Your Spirit.  I will spend 5 minutes in deep breathing and meditation

What Happened:  I had a lot of trouble quieting my mind.  Too much going on.  Too much to worry about…  am I addicted to worry?  So, I tried to quiet and the quieting did not come and so – I went on.  Tomorrow will come.

1. Take Time to Plan.   I will take 5 minutes to “remember” and write down what our typical daily structure used to “look like” before chaos hit our household.  The morning routine, etc.

Though I did not see the immediate result of my Refresh Your Spirit time, I realized during my “planning time” that the day – as it used to look – isn’t the day I want anymore.  My soul needs something new.

When I first decided to homeschool, it was unschooling that really inspired me.  However, doubt, guilt, fear, who knows… something troubled me and stopped me from totally jumping off the “school” wagon.  However, the beliefs I held never went away – perhaps they just went dormant.  In the mean time, I had read The Well Trained Mind and it sounded good to me.  There were aspects of The Well Trained Mind that really made sense to me…  I like the organization and structure.  The notebook system is great.  So, in lue of unschooling, I losely followed suggestions in The Well Trained Mind.

Then….  the chaos hit and The Well Trained Mind flew out the window.  We went to unschooling by default – but the unschooling life as it stands is missing something.  What I realized this morning is that what we are missing – what I am missing is the nurturing environment…  the creative wonderland I envisioned…  the place for inspiration.  I realized this morning that what I need to create is a haven in my home – a creative wonderland – an inspirational home …  not a schedule for the day.  (But, I probably DO need a schedule for cleaning – and other mundane housework – as that is the stuff I don’t enjoy and will procrastinate at…)

 And so – during my planning sessions, what I will be planning is the transformation of my home and family environment into a place of creativity, inspiration, and nurturing.

1. Do Something
   1. Inventory the homeschool and craft supplies
   2. Load of Laundry
   3. History Projects with Kids
   4. Finish Decorating for Christmas

I got most of my work done, and am off to do these things now.

Technorati Tags: Family Life, Homeschool, Homestead, Motivation, Scheduling

Feel like a trip down memory lane?

Head on over and check it out!  When I first started thinking about writing of a memory, my mind first wandered to memories of my children.  I could write of a birth, a first step, a first word or first swim.  I could write about the first time my babies ate lemons and puckered up or all that sand they shoveled into their mouths at the beach.  I could write about the amazing way my capacity to love expanded with each child that came into my life.  I could write of the funny, crazy, wacky things that have come out of their mouths.  But how could I possibly choose just one memory of all that swims in my head?  Then I thought of Christmas memories…  but there were too many to choose from.  No.  I better go with something else.

With no clear answer, I put this writing project onto the back burner of my mind and left it to simmer.  I went about my day – when it hit me.  A memory from nearly 15 years ago.

This memory appeals to me because it was a day that ignited a passion that deeply rooted itself in my soul.  Sometimes with the business of life I become disconnected with and even (shudder) forget the passions I feel.  This is a timely memory for me.  It is nice to reconnect with how I felt on that day.

It was January 13, 1994.   I was a freshman in college and had heard of someone coming to the school to speak about “unschooling.”  At the time, I was considering a career in education, so I decided to attend the Saturday afternoon talk.

I walked into the lecture hall and found a seat – amongst the 50 other students.  I spent the next 2 hours listening to a young woman talk about the experience of life without school.  She pointed out some of the un-intended effects of a school day that can have lasting negative implications on children.  As she spoke, my heart began to beat faster…  she was speaking to a “truth” in me that I had not yet been able to put into words.  She opened a door of possibilities for life that I had never seen before.

When the lecture finished, I was so excited about what I heard I rushed back to the dorm and sat down at my computer to write to my parents.  Several hours and 7 pages later I emerged from my room with a new passion for life, learning, and education. 

I mailed that letter to my parents – and they kept it for me.   It is long – but it was the beginning of a major part of my life – so it is an important keepsake for me.  I think I will type it up one of these days and post it here… just so that I know I have another ’safe’ record of that letter somewhere.

Technorati Tags: Education, Homeschool, Learning Styles

In response to a request from Life Without School, I decided to write about the lessons I learned as my children learned to read.

My oldest, Wanderlust and my youngest, Giggle Goose learned to read in a similar manner….  sitting on my lap with Pathways to Phonics.  At the age of 5, they were content to sit with me for 10 to 30 minutes a day and flip through the book page by page.  I was content with this as well.  It was comfortable and cozy.  It was the ‘dream’ of a homeschooling mother.  

My lessons came from my son, Jumpin’ Bean.  

When JB was 5, I had him climb onto my lap.  It was time to open up Pathways to Phonics and “teach” him to read.  I flipped to page 1.  The vowels.  The letter “A”.  ”Ah”  I said, pointing – just as I had done before.

He looked at me, squirmed and flipped to page 35.  He tried to read it, but then said it was too hard.  I ‘oh, so patiently’ flipped back to page 1.  Then, he wiggled.  squirmed.  and got down to play.

Okay, I think.  I can wait… because I am oh, so patient.

One week later.  Same scene.  One month later.  Same scene.  One year later.  Same scene. 

“I am a failure as a homeschooler and I need to forget the whole thing and put them into school where a real teacher can teach him to read – because I obviously don’t know what I am doing” I screamed at myself.

But, I had read things about the benefits of delayed reading and I comforted myself with stories from other homeschool mom’s that didn’t worry about reading at a young age.   I revisited journals I had written in years past that reminded me about why I homeschool.  The feelings of self-doubt faded.  Then my father would call and say, “Is JB reading yet?  Isn’t it about time he start?”  The anxiousness crept back into my fragile homeschool mom psyche.  I redoubled my efforts.

“Come, JB.”  I said.  “We are going to read.  We are going to start at page 1.”

He still squirmed.  He wriggled.  He whined.  He cried.  He flipped to page 72 and said things like, “I can’t do it”. 

So, I tuned out the nagging voice of my father and the nagging voice in my own head and put my faith in my belief that kids know how to learn – and they don’t need my help.  I backed off my son and I worked on myself.  What is this nagging need I feel as a  mother to have my child reading by a certain age?  What have I learned in all this?

• I can’t “force” kids to learn
• I need to trust my instincts – and not give in to society’s idea about how it should be done
• I need to trust my kid’s instinct – they know how they learn best
• I am not as patient as I think I am – and need to work on it

So I waited.  Another year went by.  And another.  My own feelings of anxiety came in waves, but I did my best to remember that these were MY issues I was dealing with – not his. 

Meanwhile I was reading aloud book after book; A Story of the World, Little House on the Prarie books, Harry Potter books, Eragon, and on and on.  He loved to hear these stories.  He begged for more.

Then, one day JB picked up a book -  Harry Potter – a big fat chapter book with long sentences – and he read it…. cover to cover.  It was the first book he had ever read. 

“Horray” I said to myself.  “He is finally reading!!!”  We went to the library to find him more books.  He didn’t want any other books, only Harry Potter would do. 

I forgot all the lessons I thought I had learned before.  I talked to the librarian about stories that might interest him.  I piled up books in front of him and asked him to pick one.  I promised to read with him – alternating every other sentence or paragraph.  None of it worked.  All he would do is read Harry Potter, again and again.  Here I was, mettling again.  Here I was getting in his way – again. 

“Back off” I told myself.  “Give him the space you know he needs.”

Some time went by.  I continued to work on my own fragile psyche.  And one day – he picked up a new book.  He has been devouring books ever since.   His latest project is writing a story, The Hammer

My lesson was learned – again.  I hope it sticks this time… (what can I say?  I’m a slow learner)

Technorati Tags: Education, Homeschool