In the post about Socialization, I mentioned an article I had read in the Scientific American Mind magazine about teen brains.  Here is another quote from that article.

“… a series of long-term studies set in motion in the 1980’s by anthropologiest Beatrice Whiting and John Whiting of Harvard University suggest that teen trouble begins to appear in other cultures soon after the introduction of certain Western influences, especially Western-style schooling, television programs and movies.  Delinquency was not an issue among the Inuit people of Victoria Island, Canada, for example, until TV arrived in 1980.  By 1988 the Inuit had created their first permanent police station to try to cope with the new problem.”  (bold mine)

 When the kids were very little (ages 2,4,5) we allowed PBS childrens shows…. one or two a day.  They were pretty benign, we thought, perhaps even helpful to the kids.  After all, they are “educational” shows.  But then we noticed the behavior in our kids deteriorating.  We were seeing very intense tantrums and an increase in the number of fights they were having with eachother.  We decided to cut out the TV and within 48 hours, we saw an obvious difference in the behavior of the kids.  The intensity - and later frequency - of the tantrums went way down - and so did the frequency of the fights. 

We traded our TV in for board games, good read aloud books, and knitting needles.    We still occasionally watch a TV show - when we go to a motel or a relatives house.  Wouldn’t you know it . . . we notices a change in behavior . . . and are always relieved to get back to the No TV lifestyle. 

(Though, I confess…… I do miss it sometimes!)

Technorati Tags: Family Life, Homeschool

What about socialization?

As a homeschooling family, this is the question we most commonly hear.  My answer to this question is so lengthy that I rarely launch into the “full” answer when I am asked - but I thought that I would give a more detailed answer here.

 From the American Heritage Dictionary “socialization” is:

1. To place under government or group ownership or control.
2. To make fit for companionship with others; make sociable.
3. To convert or adapt to the needs of society.

#1 - I’ll leave that one alone.  I’m going to assume here that all those well meaning folk out there asking homeschool families are not suggesting we teach our kids to fall under government or group ownership or control….  but then again…. isn’t that just what the western school system does?  Another topic for another day!  I digress.

When most people ask the socialization question - it is probably in reference to #2 - “How does your child learn to be a companion to others?”

A World View - The Continuum

I  was reading an article in Scientific American Mind magazine recently - and I came across an article about the teen brain.

This paragraph caught my attention:

“In 1991 anthropologist Alice Schlegel of the University of Arizona and psychologist Herbert Barry III of the University of Pittsburgh reviewed research on teens in 186 preindustrial societies.  Among the important conclusions they drew about these societies:  about 60% had no word for “adolescence,” teens spent almost all their time with adults, teens showed almost no signs of psychopathology, and antisocial behavior in young males was completely absent in more than half of these cultures and extremely mild in cultures in which it did occur.”

This is not the first time that someone has looked at this information.  Margaret Mead has written about this extensively - as have other anthropologists.   One of my favorite books, The Concept Concept talks about life in the Yequana tribe in Venezuela.  Yequana babies are virtually always happy.  They never cry, kick angrily, or flail about.   Teens integrate seamlessly into adulthood - void of all the “adolescent” trouble western teens struggle through.  Why is this?  According to the author, it is because the life experience in this culture is ONE continuum.  There is no separation and segregation of the population according to age.  Babies are strapped onto the backs of mom and aunts and passively observe adult life.  Toddlers “play” is to mimic adult behavior.  As the child grows, he or she learns to perform that behavior more efficiently…. until the slide smoothly into adulthood.

Do we want our children to grow to be happy adults?  Then, why are separating them from adult society?  What can they learn by being stuffed into an artificial environment with several other people of the same age?  Which leads me to…..  what about socialization?

What does socialization mean for an adult in the real world?  Once one reaches the age of 18 to 24 and proceeds through “adult life” who are the people we need to “socialize” with?  Is a 32 year old only allowed to socialize with other 32 year old’s?  No way!  Let’s imagine for a moment that our little darlings grow up to own a business.  They will have to interact with:  customers, vendors, bankers, the general public, other business owners and employees to name a few.   They will need to be able to interact with people of all different ages and socio-economic levels.  Why then, I ask, are we teaching our kids - through the western educational system - that their socialization must be only with others of the same age?

If we stop forcing kids into these artificial environmental boxes (the classroom) and let them out into the real world with real world people, kids will be able to (and do) interact with people of all different ages and socio-economic levels.    When you get a child out of the classroom and into the real world - the child can not only relate to kids of the same age - but also to those younger, older, and much older then they are. 

Yes….  I agree….  the question needs to be asked…  “What about Socialization?  Socialization for all those kids stuck in the classroom!”

Technorati Tags: Family Life, Homeschool

Yesterday in Story of the World, we read about the Code of Justinian.  Then the kids wrote up ideas for the Code of The Lazy Sombrero (our Homestead).  Here is what Wanderlust came up with (the other 2 are still thinking on it):

1. You must always clean your room or live with the chickens.
2. If you do not take care of the animals after one hour of being awake you can never have an animal again.
3. If you are cleaning your room and it is really messy you must warn everybody before they enter.  If you do warn them and they walk in it is not your fault if they faint.
4. If someone asked for something back and you don’t give it back then you must do that person’s chores for a week.
5. If someone hurts you, they must move into the desert and be like a hermit.

Technorati Tags: Family Life

Yesterday, as a part of Creating a Haven In Your Home over at Biblical Womanhood, I set out to do the following today (plan is in red.  Result is in Black) 

1. Refresh Your Spirit.  I will spend 5 minutes in deep breathing and meditation

What Happened:  I had a lot of trouble quieting my mind.  Too much going on.  Too much to worry about…  am I addicted to worry?  So, I tried to quiet and the quieting did not come and so - I went on.  Tomorrow will come.

1. Take Time to Plan.   I will take 5 minutes to “remember” and write down what our typical daily structure used to “look like” before chaos hit our household.  The morning routine, etc.

Though I did not see the immediate result of my Refresh Your Spirit time, I realized during my “planning time” that the day - as it used to look - isn’t the day I want anymore.  My soul needs something new.

When I first decided to homeschool, it was unschooling that really inspired me.  However, doubt, guilt, fear, who knows… something troubled me and stopped me from totally jumping off the “school” wagon.  However, the beliefs I held never went away - perhaps they just went dormant.  In the mean time, I had read The Well Trained Mind and it sounded good to me.  There were aspects of The Well Trained Mind that really made sense to me…  I like the organization and structure.  The notebook system is great.  So, in lue of unschooling, I losely followed suggestions in The Well Trained Mind.

Then….  the chaos hit and The Well Trained Mind flew out the window.  We went to unschooling by default - but the unschooling life as it stands is missing something.  What I realized this morning is that what we are missing - what I am missing is the nurturing environment…  the creative wonderland I envisioned…  the place for inspiration.  I realized this morning that what I need to create is a haven in my home - a creative wonderland - an inspirational home …  not a schedule for the day.  (But, I probably DO need a schedule for cleaning - and other mundane housework - as that is the stuff I don’t enjoy and will procrastinate at…)

 And so - during my planning sessions, what I will be planning is the transformation of my home and family environment into a place of creativity, inspiration, and nurturing.

1. Do Something
   1. Inventory the homeschool and craft supplies
   2. Load of Laundry
   3. History Projects with Kids
   4. Finish Decorating for Christmas

I got most of my work done, and am off to do these things now.

Technorati Tags: Family Life, Homeschool, Homestead, Motivation, Scheduling

I saw this list at Here in the Bonny Glen and it fits in perfectly with what I have been thinking lately…

6 elements to include in a day:

• meaningful work
• imaginative play
• good books
• beauty (art, music, nature)
• ideas to ponder and discuss
• prayer

I’m looking for a structure and balance to the day… my day and the day for my kids.  Using a list such as this seems like such a grea way to help structure a day.  As we work on our Family Mission Statement, I will come back to and finetune this list…. I will spend some time reflecting upon what elements I would like to put into our days.  Are there other thing I may want to add to the list?

• physical play or sports
• meaningful conversation

What else? 

Technorati Tags: Family Life, Scheduling

I find comfort in family rituals and traditions.   For me, they are a part of what makes home, home.   When the kids were little, we brought in traditions from both of our families.  We go to the hunting cabin for Thanksgiving (my family) and we eat tamales for Christmas (his family).

We also started to come up with some of our own family rituals and traditions.  For example, we started to have weekly family meetings - and have a family game night.  We do read-aloud stories after dinner - rather than watching TV.  

The last couple of years have brought us a lot of travel and moving around.  In all this motion - we have gotten away from some our rituals.  Now that we are on our property and our new house is under construction - we are starting to feel more settled and it is time to remember some of our old routines.   It is time to reset our family meetings - re-establish our game night.    I also remember a time that I kept a gratitude journal.  Time to start that up again, too (see sidebar).

Technorati Tags: Family Life

Because we are in transition (living in a trailer house while we build a new house), many of our personal possessions have been packed away for more than a year.  Today, however, I came across an old 3 ring binder in which we kept notes from family meetings.  In this notebook are a few pages reflecting the work we were doing on creating a family mission statement.    We did not quite get to the point of a final product - but we laid the foundation.

The starting point came from suggestions taken from Steven Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective Famillies”.   From this book - we asked ourselves the following questions:

1.  What is the purpose of our family?
2. What kind of family do we want to be?
3. What kind of things do we want to do?
4. What kind of feeling do we want in our home?
5. What kind of relationships do we want with one another?
6. How do we want to treat one another?  Speak to one another?
7. What things are truely important to us as a family?
8. What are our family’s highest prioriy goals?
9. What are the unique talents, gifts, and abilities of members of the family?
10. What are our responsibilities as members of the family?
11. What principles and guidelines do we want our family to follow?
12. What families inspire us and why do we admire them?
13. How can we contribute to society as a family and become more service oriented?

It has been a few years since we answered these questions for ourselves.  I feel that reviewing them again today will be helpful as we re-establish ourselves in our new community.   I think we will “visit” one question a week during our weekly family meetings.

Technorati Tags: Family Life, Family Mission Statement

As a part of a contest over at Two Moms In a Blog - here is a funny photo.

This was taken on the day we were pulling the sailboat out of the water. The kids started playing around and I started snapping photos.

Technorati Tags: Family Life, Photography

Did you ever have one of those “romantic” ideas that sounded like pure heaven in your head?  Of course, we know that the practical implication won’t play out like the fantasy does… but we ignore those little practical voices in our head in favor of the fantasy.  As we ignore these sensible voices, we sink into the abyss of life-altering-dreams.  We begin to think that perhaps we should act on the dream!  We may even start planning.  Hopefully at some point, we will stop ignoring the practical implications of these life-altering-dreams and make some contingency plans to address the issues. 

In our family, there are two such dreams.  One hatched in my heart.  The other is my husbands.    My husband is the voice of practicality when it comes to my dream, and I am when it comes to his.  Despite the reservations, the dreams turned into plans and the plans are in motion.   Though the dreams are quite contradictory in nature, we will pursue them each in turn. 

My dream is to homestead.  You know… live like a pioneer….  like Laura Ingalls Wilder.   I will grow all my own veggies and raise chickens for eggs and meat.  We will have a solar home, a composting toilet, and a hybrid vehicle!  I will be the poster child for Mother Earth.  What an amazing family life it can be; hard work, a connection with nature, the health that comes from eating your own organically grown food, wholesome entertainment of games, music, and books rather than TV and video games.  It appeals to the dream that has hatched itself in my soul.  The other benefits sink me deeper into the abyss of my fantasy.  The benefits I refer to are the benefits to the earth.  The mess we leave behind as we consume fuel, eat foods that are produces in unhealthy, inhumane, and non-sustainable ways, the landfills we continue to fill at astonishing rates, the forests we continue to kill without regard have become unacceptable to me.  How much better it will be for the earth if I grow my own food in an organic sustainable way?  How much fuel will I say “no” to as I enter a life on the homestead?   

To my husband, this all seems like a lot of work.  He reminds me that this is a journey – not a destination – and sometimes baby steps are best.  He dreams of a life at sea.  The call of the ocean has always tugged at his heartstrings, and the freedom of exploring the world without limitation sinks him farther into his abyss.  Perhaps we will write of his dream here.    I am the voice of reason here.  The first primary objection I have is that the boat is on water.  This means prolonged periods of time in which the 5 of us are all in a very confined space.  (We are considering a 37 foot Fisher)  We better figure out how to get along, be organized, give each other the illusion of privacy, and sail around the world without leaving land.  Can that be done?  Perhaps we can put the boat on a trailer and drive around America!  Somehow, I don’t think the hubby will go for that one.  The fact that the boat is on water also means the lack of soil for gardening, the lack of grocery stores for food, the presence of waves, and the significant chance of getting lost.   Yes. Getting lost.  That in itself is an objection…  I don’t want to get lost.  I also object dying in a storm.  I’ve set my husband about the task of learning about weather, navigation, and… well…  how to sail! 

Meanwhile, I am happily homesteading away.  We have purchased 15 acres, and are learning that we have oh, so much learning to do.  We are also preparing for some cruising.  While the dates and locations have yet to be set, we are taking steps.  We still have to work out the details about how to maintain the homestead during our periods of horror stricken traveling.  But I know that we will.

Technorati Tags: Family Life